The Power of Small Favors: Reciprocation Tendency

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What is reciprocation tendency?

Has a car salesman ever offered you a cup of coffee or a glass of water upon entering the dealership? Have you been handed a free sample of a product as a gift?

These small acts are meant to initiate reciprocation tendency: your tendency to reciprocate the favors, disfavor, and concessions of others.

Author Robert Cialdini (Ph.D.) explores the mental bias of reciprocation tendency in his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. He defines reciprocation tendency as the automatic tendency for humans to try to reciprocate in kind what others have done for us.

And it’s a powerful force. Cialdini argues that this bias can produce a “yes” response from someone who, under normal circumstances, would certainly refuse.

Why does reciprocation tendency exist in the first place?

A bias towards reciprocation exists as all things exist: as a product of natural selection.

Charlie Munger, in a speech called “The Psychology of Human Misjudgment,” printed in Poor Charlie’s Almanack, writes that nature does not make “turning the other cheek” behavior beneficial to the survival of animal species.

A species that can come together and cooperate to share food, shelter, and protection from other animal species would surely have an edge within their niche environment. This obligation to give, obligation to receive, and obligation to repay, as Cialdini puts it, has been a tremendous advantage at the species level.

But at the individual level, it’s a little more complicated. This trait has created in humans an intense psychological reaction to being in a state of obligation: we hate it. If someone does us a favor, we feel like we owe them, and will often go to great lengths to repay the debt that’s owed as quickly as possible. If someone does us disfavor, we often feel like we need to “get back at them” for the injustice we feel we have suffered.

But it’s not just this internal discomfort, as Cialdini writes, that drives our reciprocation tendency. There is also a strong external pressure to pay debts that are owed. People who are “free-loaders” are shamed by the larger social group for not living up to the unwritten rule of reciprocation.

Be very careful who you take favors from.

Despite your efforts, you will feel obligated to return the favor.

And there’s no guarantee it will be on the same scale as the one you received.

That’s why donuts and coffee sell cars.

— Thomas (@TWaschenfelder) May 16, 2020

These two factors - internal discomfort and external shame - create a heavy psychological cost for those who deny the reciprocation tendency.

And cunning individuals can use this to get what they want.

How can reciprocation tendency be used against you?

Cialdini writes that humans feel obligated to return favors, even if the favor was unwanted. As soon as you accept the favor, whether you want the favor or not, you are in the debt of the person who performed it. In Cialdini’s words, “an uninvited favor creates a sense of obligation.”

This is why brands offer out free samples of their products to you. This is why car dealerships have free coffee, water, and donuts at your fingertips. These are gifts (favors) to put you in their debt. Once you receive the gift, you owe them now.

Why would you accept a gift or favor you don’t want? Because it’s rude not to. That’s the tremendous power of the reciprocation tendency. This psychological pressure pushes you to first accept and then repay. It doesn’t even matter if you dislike the person offering you the favor! You’ll still feel pressure to accept, and once you do, you’ll feel even more pressure to pay the favor back.

People can use this against you by doing you a small favor before making a request. And don’t be surprised if their request is much larger than the small favor they did for you… these cunning individuals know that the unpleasant feeling of being in debt to someone may just force you to accept.

How can you protect yourself from Reciprocation Tendency?

Charlie Munger has a great antidote for protecting yourself from the reciprocation of disfavors: wait a bit before “getting them back.” This short amount of time allows your anger to dissipate, and you won’t be so interested in returning the disfavor.

To protect yourself from cunning individuals using the favor technique to get the best of you, Cialdini recommends that you simply see the favor for what it is: a sales tactic. This should allow you to remorselessly refuse the favor without feeling guilty about it.

You could also consider playing around with these tactics yourself to see how they work in your professional life. Be subtle. Be sincere. And see what happens.

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Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion. Harper Business; Revised edition, 2009.

Munger, C. T., & Kaufman, P. D. (2008). Poor Charlie's almanack: The wit and wisdom of Charles T. Munger. Virginia Beach, Va: Donning Co. Pub.